Compromising with Society

22 Oct 2010 1 Comment

by mayalynn in Keybored Tags: Society

Did you know that Socrates (ABSIT INIURIA VERBIS}, was blah blah blah and that Kierkegaard was blah blah blah? How can ‘the good to know’ make you feel so stupid and inadequate and boring? Is it possible that you have to take ten steps back to become more inviting? Give up natural beauty for the vulgar ‘yes-they’re-fake’ one; vacate your eyes, an empty nonetheless declaring ‘yes in fact I love sodomy’ to substitute the ‘untamed-wild-smart-but-never-done-it-up-the-ass’ look; exaggerated exposure instead of subtle disclosure, give up Karl Marx for Karl Lagerfeld, Jean Paul Sartre for Jean Paul Gautier, Lord Byron for Lord Kossity, Giorgio de Santillana for Giorgio Armani and so on and so forth…
Below are some handy tips based on actual pragmatic experience and other occurrences, which I’m sure will minister to this decadent abyssal journey towards ‘improvement’, /although they are all of false nature, I should highlight the fact that they do not mean that the person who uses these terms or practices these ideals is stupid, a contriario, (allow me to bask in my useless vocabulary one last time before my destructive purgatory towards identity reform), they just denote some of the standard pre-requisites for social acceptance.
And now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you a shy thesis on how to achieve social fashionable restructuring. By the end of this crash course I am sure that I will be one of ‘YOU’, I will be able to sit at your table without annoying your brain with verbal inputs that are dispensable to your esteemed society, information that is frowned upon and is considered as inappropriate to the new Millennia mundane community, and thus I will achieve the desired commitment to your oath:
Spend money you don’t have, to buy things you don’t need, to impress people you don’t even like.
*To facilitate the healing process, the title of each segment is a symptomatic hint to help you with your auto-diagnosis.
On Enumeration:
I-We had a wonderful time, everyone from the office was there, Toni was there, Cynthia, Rami, Alphonse etc…
*IF YOU CAN OUTLINE THE MISTAKE, THEN YOU TOO, ARE INFECTED, AND I SUGGEST IMMEDIATE QUARANTINE FROM ANY BOOK THAT IS NOT SOLD ON THE MAGAZINE SHELF OR NEXT TO PAULO COELHO’S LATEST BEST-SELLER.
On statements:
II- Being a Lebanese, I can assure you that all Lebanese are liars!
*This following statement isn’t as harmful as its predecessor; if you are a female; I recommend frequent manicure & pedicure sessions and an increase of visits to the hairdresser; if you are a Male, well you need to upgrade your magazine subscription from Penthouse to Playboy and browse the internet for porn more often – no one likes a wise-guy –
Lost in Translation
III- P.S stands for the French ‘Pour Savoir’, while ‘N.B’ is the abbreviation of ‘Nota Bene’
*Not to worry if you got this one right, it’s like having a mild headache; the remedy here is to stop reading your boss’ or colleagues’ emails, they were forwarded to you by mistake!
On Zoology
IV-There exists different types of fish: blowfish, clownfish, sardines, sol, whales…However, not all of them can be found in the Mediterranean Sea.
*Getting this one right may indicate that the infection is at a developed stage; females: try watching Turkish or Syrian soap operas, if that doesn’t help then I recommend a full in-depth study on what is Nancy Ajram’s favourite meal, then compare it with Haifa’s daily events, and how it may affect May Hariri’s audience. Male: I want to see an extensive file on whose boobs are bigger, (Nancy, Haifa or May?) who is the surgeon behind each masterpiece and if he can provide you with authentic naked pictures of the above mentioned trio, and if possible, the homemade porn movie each starred in, with complete detailed profiling on the lucky bastard who co-starred in the: ‘she deserves an Academy award for her performance in the WOW I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE WAS FAKING IT’ film.